Nightmares
by Gracie-19
Summary: Can Vulcans have nightmares? Can Spock?  K/S
1. Chapter 1

**Nightmares**

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><p><strong>Chapter one <strong>

Jim yawned, walking drowsily towards his room. He hadn't slept very well last night, and the day shift left him exhausted. Official reports were his worst nightmare – be concise, be clear, be polite. They hadn't "encountered a poisonous plant that injured one of the members of the away team", dammit, a fucking bush almost killed Giotto! The poor guy was still in Sickbay, but he'd be fine in a few days. Bones would make sure of that.  
>Just as he passed Spock's quarters he got distracted by some kind of… noise, like a moan. Could it be Spock with Uhura? He slowed down, paying attention. Those moans sounded so unlike the controlled, repressed Spock he knew…<br>And suddenly Jim found himself stopping right in front of his First Officer's quarters, thinking about what was going on in there, picturing things that he _really_ didn't want to imagine.

Okay, standing there was just stupid. He wasn't some kind of pervert and he didn't care about what they were doing _at all_. He was leaving.  
>But then he heard the most disturbing thing.<br>"Mother!" cried Spock.  
>Wait, wait. Spock? Crying in desperation? <em>Mother<em>?  
>Could it be…? Oh my God, could Vulcans have nightmares? Could Spock?<br>"Mother, no!"  
>Without bothering to knock, Jim typed the security code and finally entered the room. What he found there made his chest feel tight and heavy with worried surprise.<br>Spock was in his bed, the sheets all tangled around his body and a heartbreaking anxiety showing on his face. He kept mumbling things about his mother and about so many dead people, and the planet, and other things Jim couldn't understand. Spock never spoke about it, like it had never happened, but of course it had. And it hurt him. God, Jim was stupid for not realizing this before! Spock was almost alone in the world now, people he knew had died, his _mother_ had died, his planet was gone… It must've been so awful for him, feeling this torment and not being able to show it.

And Jim didn't do anything to help him; he didn't even realize Spock was in so much pain. Dammit, he was such an idiot!  
>"Hey." Jim sat on the bed, next to his friend and shook him a little, afraid to wake him too suddenly. "C'mon, Spock, wake up…"<br>No answer; Spock's body kept moving and jerking frantically. Jim grabbed Spock's shoulders and shook him harder. He had to make it stop, _please, please wake up_!  
>Finally.<p>

Jim let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.  
>"Jim?" Spock asked, blinking in confusion.<br>"You were having a nightmare."  
>Spock seemed to think about it for a few seconds. There was a strange gleam in his eyes, like ache mixed with confusion. And he was almost panting. This couldn't be happening, not to <em>Spock<em>for God's sake.

Jim tried to smile to comfort him, but found he couldn't. Spock looked upset, in agony… Jim had never seen him express such emotion – or any emotion at all. Well, except for the time when he'd used the subject of his mother to force Spock to leave command. And he was still so sorry about that.  
>When he mind-melded with the other Spock, the older one, he also felt everything that was inside of him; he knew how strong the Ambassador's feelings ran and how difficult it was for him to suffocate them. Then why, <em>why the hell<em> didn't he realize, didn't help Spock when he needed it the most, even if the Vulcan would never admit it? That's what friends are for, right? To be there even when you think you don't need them.  
>And he hadn't been there for Spock.<br>"Wanna talk about it?" Jim asked. He would help him to recover from those awful memories whatever it took, even if he had to be around him 24 hours a day. "Sometimes it feels better once you've let it all out."  
>God, Spock didn't even argue about the "feeling" part just like he always did, didn't even deny that he was feeling <em>now<em>. Which would've been stupid, of course – it was so obvious he couldn't control himself.

Jim felt helpless. He wanted to _do something_, but he didn't know what, or how.  
>"No," was Spock's only answer.<br>He wasn't even going to _try_? No, of course not – Vulcans didn't do that. And plus, Spock probably didn't trust him enough to open up about such a serious matter. At least, not yet.  
>"Why not?" Jim asked, already knowing the answer.<br>"I…"

Spock hesitating? Okay, Jim was alarmed now. He watched him worriedly, waiting for his response.

"I do not understand how sharing information about my dream with you shall improve my… condition. It seems illogical."

Then why did he sound like he hadn't believed a goddamn thing he just said? Jim had this feeling, like Spock _did_ want to tell him but thought he couldn't because of his beliefs. And he was gonna do something about it.  
>"It seems illogical to me that you, a Vulcan who always needs to be in control, are having nightmares that make you scream – <em>scream<em>, Spock. And it's also illogical that you don't want any kind of help to get better since your philosophy is all about suppressing emotions and having a clear, logical mind. Look man, you're obviously not being calm and logical now. So no, I don't think you'll lose anything for trying."  
>Spock stared at him in shock. He appeared to be thinking about Jim's words for a few minutes, but not with his usual composure; he was… unfocused, Jim could tell.<br>"Spock?" Jim finally asked. Spock blinked and kept looking at him. "How are you feeling?"  
>Silence. Okay, maybe his super-reasoning about a Vulcan behaving illogically hadn't convinced him.<br>"I am… uneasy." Spock's voice was merely a weak whisper.  
>In human terms, that "uneasy" probably meant "freaked out". Oh God, Jim couldn't believe this – he was seeing it with his own eyes, but it felt unreal and incredibly wrong. Spock was <em>scared<em>. _Anxious_, even.  
>But he was finally telling Jim, which he was grateful for and yet sad at the same time. This was not how their first conversation about Spock's thoughts and emotions was supposed to go – God, he shouldn't be suffering at all! He didn't deserve this. Jim was so fucking <em>angry<em>!  
>"I'm sorry, Spock."<br>He wanted to hold him, to tell him it was gonna be alright, to take the horrible suffering away, to wipe the sadness from his face and his eyes… He had to take that pained look away, he _needed_ to, dammit! There had to be something else he could do! But of course, hugging him was not an option – Spock didn't like to be touched; it was not comforting for him as it was for most humans.  
>"Tell me, Spock. Please," Jim asked, almost begged. Maybe if he told Jim more about it he'd be at least a little relieved…<p>

Spock wasn't looking at him, so Jim thought he was too scared or embarrassed to talk about it, but after a minute he started to speak.  
>"I dreamt about my mother, about the time of her… death. And then saw Vulcan's destruction, along with the death of most of my species. I re-watched it many times."<br>Kirk couldn't help noticing how Spock didn't say exactly how many times he'd watched the scene in his dream. Was it that he just didn't remember… or was he so agitated that he couldn't think about being specific now?  
>His hands clenched to fists. The urge to touch him, to do something, was too much for Jim. If only…<br>"I could not save her, or the planet. I tried to, but I could not. I could not do anything for my people."  
>"I'm so sorry," Jim mumbled, his chest full of sorrow. He couldn't stand seeing Spock like this, he honestly couldn't.<br>"Thank you for your concern, Jim." Even though he was in deep pain he'd always be Spock, so polite and considerate. Stupid Vulcan.  
>Those dark, sad eyes were fixed on him – it was like he wanted to say something, but couldn't. And Jim stared back, wanting to touch him, to reassure him but knowing that he wasn't the one to do that. The only one who might actually help him was…<br>"Do you want me to call Uhura?" Jim asked quietly, secretly wanting his First Officer to say no.  
>"No." It sounded harsh and, once again, very unlike Spock, and Jim was sure his friend realized that too. "It is not necessary for you to call Nyota. I only require meditation."<br>"But…"  
>"I assure you, Jim, that it is not necessary. I am, however, grateful for your consideration."<br>That sounded like a Vulcan way to say "I want to be alone now". Jim sighed, knowing that if Spock didn't want anyone to be there it was for a good reason. If he needed meditation, okay then, he'd leave him alone.  
>But still…<br>"Promise you'll be all right," Jim asked, suppressing the urge to grab Spock by the shoulders and pull him into his arms.  
>"I shall be well."<br>Jim hesitated once more. It felt wrong to leave him like that, vulnerable and upset, but he knew that Spock didn't like others to see this human side of him – so he had to be grateful after all, 'cause Spock shared it with him. That thought made him smile.  
>"Okay, okay, but I'll check on you later," Kirk said at last.<br>"Captain, it is not…"  
>Jim's smile grew wider. Spock still hadn't discovered that it was useless to argue with him once he'd made a decision. But he would. Soon.<br>"I _said_ I'll check on you later."  
>And with that, he left.<p>

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><p>Hope you liked it! Thoughts? :D<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again! :D

Chapter 2 is here!

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><p><strong>Chapter two<strong>

Jim didn't forget the "nightmare incident". Not at all.  
>They hadn't discussed the matter since that night because Spock kept changing the subject or avoiding the question any time he asked, but Jim had watched him more carefully since then. He frequently asked Uhura about him; they weren't together anymore, but they were still good friends, and Spock shared a lot of things with her. The thing is, Uhura always told Jim with a concerned expression that Spock was meditating. Maybe Spock needed more rest and less meditation to get really, properly well. Jim constantly watched his First Officer, noticing how the fatigue grew a little more every day, making him less graceful; not so perfectly polite.<br>Yeah, he was worried. More than that. He felt helpless – Spock wouldn't let him try to help, no, he had to do it on his own. He wanted to trust him, to wait until he solved his own problems, but it didn't seem to be working at all. But still, Jim didn't think that pushing would be a good idea; he didn't want to make Spock feel vulnerable or something.  
>But he was on the edge, Jim knew.<br>And his suspicions proved true when, after a long and dangerous mission, Spock simply… collapsed. Jim, cursing himself, caught him in his arms before he hit the floor. Shit, he shouldn't have let him go with them, should've tried to speak to him, or just ask Bones for advice… he should have forced Spock to sleep somehow. My God, what if that had happened ten minutes ago, when they were surrounded by hostile natives? He could have _died_!

Jim came back to reality when McCoy pushed him aside to examine Spock with a concerned expression. The half-Vulcan opened his eyes numbly.  
>"I am well, doctor," Spock's weak tone made Jim hate himself even more. What if he <em>had<em> died, what then? What would've he done without his First, his partner, his friend? And it was all because he didn't _fucking _do anything when he had the chance. He had failed Spock _again_ – when his friend wasn't well enough to think properly he should have been there to help, to guide him even if Spock didn't want him to. But no, he just stood there watching as Spock got worse. Vulcans weren't superheroes, they also needed help sometimes! And Jim hadn't seen that Spock was worse than he seemed in time. _Again_.

He hated himself so much for this.  
>"I'll take you to Sickbay," McCoy said, less worried than before, now that he knew Spock was merely fatigued and not dangerously ill.<br>"That will not be necessary," the Vulcan protested, but his faint voice didn't help in convincing Bones otherwise. "I merely require rest."  
>"Yeah, rest is what you need, Spock. It's not really a hard thing to do, you know." Bones half-closed his eyes, sending a poisonous look at Spock to cover the anger and concern he was feeling inside. "But you've been denyin' it to your body for how long, a month? That's too much, even for you. I'm taking you to Sickbay and making sure you have a long, peaceful sleep."<br>A flicker of anxiety passed through Spock's eyes as he turned to look at Jim. He asked for help silently, letting his expression show a bit of fear – which probably meant that inside he was really frightened.  
>"It's okay, Bones," said Kirk, responding to those pleading eyes. "I'll take him to his quarters and make sure he sleeps, okay?"<br>Doctor McCoy said nothing, gaze wandering between the two of them. He finally rolled his eyes, surrendering before the determined expression on Jim's face.  
>"Fine, but tomorrow Spock will come to Sickbay for a full exam, and if I don't see any signs of improvement I'm keeping him for a week."<br>Wow, Bones _did_ know how to threaten people.  
>"Deal." Jim smiled at the doctor and helped Spock to stand up, even though he knew Spock disliked needing help at all. But Jim didn't care about that anymore – he wouldn't make the mistake of letting Spock try to deal with things on his own again.<br>They walked in silence to Spock's quarters, and once Kirk had Spock sitting on the bed he allowed himself to study the Vulcan cautiously. He looked paler than usual, and had greenish shadows under his eyes. He looked thinner too, but maybe that was just his imagination – because yeah, he was getting paranoid. He had reasons, okay?  
>"C'mon, get into bed."<br>Spock looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and then down at his own body. He was covered in dirt and blood, just like Jim was.  
>"I shall have a sonic shower first."<br>"Fine. I'm gonna take a shower too, but I'll be back, and if you're not in bed by then I'll get really, _really_ pissed."  
>And by that, he meant he'd take Spock to McCoy. By the look on his friend's face, Jim could tell the threat had worked.<br>"Fifteen minutes," Jim announced, turning to exit the room.  
>Jim took a hot shower, allowing himself to feel the concern, the fear. The thought of Spock dying down there on the planet made him shiver, and not only because Jim could have been somewhat responsible for that death. He couldn't imagine the <em>Enterprise <em>without Spock… and no, he couldn't handle the thought of Spock out of his life either. Being without their talks, their chess games, without his oh so logical advice… Not seeing his dark eyes ever again, his raised eyebrows, his adorable not-smile... Just thinking about losing any of it made him feel sick.

Uh, okay, maybe it was not a good idea to let his mind wander _that_ far.

Kirk got out of the shower, leaving all the weird thoughts behind happily, and dressed fast. Would Spock be sleeping already? Would he have nightmares again?  
>He didn't call, thinking that maybe Spock was already asleep, so he entered his quarters cautiously. But no, the lights were on and the Vulcan was sitting on the bed, with a sheet covering his legs.<br>"I thought I told you to sleep, Spock."  
>"You said that you wanted me to 'be in bed', Captain."<br>Shit, he was right.  
>"Well, I want you to sleep now."<br>A weird look crossed Spock's eyes, but he quickly made it disappear, replacing it with something that was supposed to look like serenity.  
>"Jim, it is not logical to sleep when I do not derive any rest or calm from it. Meditation is the only thing that helps me to remain in balance."<br>What? How could Spock be saying something this stupid? How could he say that sleeping was illogical when he'd die of exhaustion if he didn't?  
>But of course.<br>He'd probably never admit it, but he was scared of the nightmares, of the lack of control they brought.  
>Jim smiled warmly. "I'll wake you up if the nightmares come back."<br>"That is not the matter of…"  
>"Look, Spock, you need to sleep. You're on edge and you know it, and that's why I'm here. I promise I'll wake you up if you have those dreams again."<br>Spock knew he was right, of course. His body needed rest and his mind as well. He had to _try_.  
>Finally, the Vulcan nodded and lay down. After a few minutes his body surrendered and he fell asleep. At last. Jim sighed in relief, his chest feeling lighter.<br>He watched Spock for some more minutes, making sure he wasn't faking it or anything, and then looked at the old book he had brought. Jim didn't really want to read, but it was that or watching Spock sleep – and that'd be… weird. So he opened the book.  
>In ten minutes he was asleep.<p>

A faint sound woke Jim up. Spock.  
>Jim ran towards his friend's bed and shook Spock by the shoulders. The half-Vulcan opened his eyes with a gasp and recognized him after a few seconds.<br>"I told you, I… I told you it was not wise…"  
>"Hey, it's all right," Jim murmured, forgetting Spock wasn't human and running his fingers through his dark hair. He hated seeing Spock that way…<br>"I cannot control…" His whole body was shaking from the emotions he was suffering, and Jim wished he could take all that away, absorb it somehow so Spock didn't have to go through this horrible situation. Jim would've done anything to help him… Anything for Spock.  
>"It's okay," Jim repeated, lying by Spock's side. "I'm here."<br>Jim put a hand on Spock's cheek, trying to comfort him somehow. The half-Vulcan closed his eyes, inhaling deeply – he seemed a bit better. Maybe he wasn't as different from humans as he thought.  
>Minutes passed, and neither of them moved. Spock looked more relaxed now, and he wasn't shaking anymore. Maybe if Jim stayed by his side, just like this, Spock would feel safer. Jim sighed, relieved.<br>"Your mind is serene. There is worry and pain and anxiety, but inside there is calm too. It is… reassuring."  
>Of course, he'd forgotten Spock was a touch telepath. Jim wondered what he'd seen, what he'd sensed from him. Did he like it?<br>How would Spock's mind be?  
>Spock placed his hand on Jim's cheek softly, in a gentle caress. Jim closed his eyes at the pleasing touch, relaxing and calming more and more to help Spock, who pulled him closer.<br>"Let me," Jim asked in a whisper, knowing that Spock would understand.  
>"I cannot do that."<br>Spock's hand traced a path down Jim's neck with long, warm fingers. Jim would never admit that he trembled with pleasure, needing more, needing _everything _Spock could give him.  
>"I can help you handle it," Kirk's voice sounded weak because of the stroking, but he didn't care. He needed…<br>"My emotions are too strong to share with a human mind now."  
>"They are too strong for you as well."<br>Spock got even closer, his breath on Jim's lips. Oh fuck, Jim wanted to kiss him so much…

He usually forced himself to forget about it, not to look inside of him, because this… this _thing_ he felt – he tried not to feel – for Spock wasn't normal. He knew it wasn't, and he didn't want to figure out what it was, not really, 'cause he'd probably freak out. But now they were so close and Spock was touching him and he couldn't help feeling and…

And he remembered that Spock was reading his mind. Great, Jim, just great. Shit shit _shit_.  
>Jim opened his eyes with fear. Would Spock turn his back on him? Would he still trust him? Would it be too weird for him? Too much?<br>Spock looked… surprised. His eyes kept moving from his eyes, to his face, to his mouth. His lips were parted, as if in shock.  
>It was never going to be the same again. This was gonna change it all, ruin it all.<br>"No."  
>Jim blinked in confusion. Was he replying to his thought?<br>"Spock?"  
>His First Officer never answered. He put his fingers just where the older Spock had and gave him an intense look before saying the words: "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."<br>The emotions hit him instantly, so mixed and strong he couldn't distinguish one from another for a long time. There were thoughts, too, Spock's. _I am sorry Jim, I do not wish to hurt you, I am sorry… _But he was thinking about his mother at the same time _I never told her that I loved her, I miss her… I cannot control… too much to bear… My home, my planet… there is nothing left… I could not help it… _

This was so wrong. Jim knew he had to do something, but he was sinking into the sadness, longing, pain, gratefulness, love. He was losing himself in all of it.

It was asphyxiating. It hurt, it hurt so much. Mother… He loved her so much… The planet, his planet destroyed, gone, all the people, his mother… Please, please, someone make those memories stop…  
><em>I did not wish to make you cry.<em>

A hand caressed his cheek. Or maybe _he_ caressed someone's wet cheek. And it felt good, really good, like he wasn't so alone.  
><em>Jim.<br>_Appreciation, friendship. He felt the same way too – he sensed his response to Spock's feelings, and Spock instantly receiving it with gratitude. Yes… it was Spock's feelings he was experiencing, not his own… But they were now inside of him – he was sharing them with Spock, helping him to bear them.  
><em>Thank you, Jim<em>, Spock's voice filled his mind, his heart. He felt warmness everywhere.  
><em>I would do anything for you. <em>He didn't actually think that, but he felt it, and so did Spock. And the half-Vulcan's response was so tender and it was like _I would do anything for you, too_.  
>Jim barely sensed his body, but somehow knew Spock was even closer now. He wished…<br>No. Stop it, stop it. Spock was inside his mind, this was not the time.  
>Spock didn't say or think anything about that little <em>lapse<em> of his – maybe because of his good manners, maybe because he was too busy holding on to all the peace that Jim had left inside.  
>With all the new sensations Jim had almost forgotten why was he doing this. Calm, yes.<br>He thought about space, about him on a small shuttle – sailing through the sky alone, being surrounded by planets and stars and silence.  
>Silence.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

The last one! Hope you like it!

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><p><strong>Chapter three<strong>

It was his voice that woke him – it sounded clear and steady. Spock seemed to be speaking to himself. _The meld indeed relieved the pressure of my emotions… Jim helped me to keep the balance. But the consequences are too much, I cannot force this on to…  
>Spock?<br>_That was when Jim remembered. Spock wasn't speaking, he was _thinking_. And their minds were still linked. He opened his eyes to find Spock staring at him, saving every detail of Jim's face on his memory, carefully – the intense blue of his eyes, every shade of brown from his hair, the color of his lips. Jim saw himself through Spock's eyes and sighed, needing Spock closer but not wanting to break the bond, since his head was resting on Spock's hand. Why was Spock thinking all that? Had he been awake all night long? And why did it feel like he was hiding something from him?

"I believe this meld has lasted too long. It may be difficult to break," Spock said out loud, still thinking about Jim – his soft skin, his smell. Kirk tried very hard to ignore those thoughts and focus on the conversation.  
>The thing was, he didn't give a damn about not being able to break the meld. He liked this closeness, giving the other everything you got. It was <em>amazing<em>. And yes, he loved how Spock was thinking of him, the way he saw him. Jim didn't want all that to end, like… well, never.  
>"Nevertheless, we will have to break it eventually, Jim."<br>Of course, that was an answer to Jim's not-private-at-all thoughts. Okay, so sometimes this telepathy thing was a pain… But it was still awesome.  
>Jim closed his eyes, letting his mind wander. He didn't find any signs of Spock being uncomfortable with this. He didn't want to end the meld either.<br>"Yeah, we'll break it… later. Just let me stay a little longer."  
><em>Very well.<br>_He felt some sort of happiness coming from Spock, then alarm, and he was fast to cover it under a wall. He hadn't noticed it before, but now it started to grow stronger, covering all of Spock's feelings carefully, finally leaving Jim with Spock's thoughts only. The emotions were gone.

Loneliness hit Jim almost instantly.  
><em>Don't<em>, Jim begged. _Let me feel it. _

_I cannot. I must suppress__ my emotions.  
><em>Images of Vulcan, memories about what Spock had been taught. Surak's philosophy. Jim understood. Spock had hid his strong emotions so he could be himself, so he could regain control. And he needed logic and suppression; especially now. _  
>Okay. Okay.<br>_Spock was taught to control his emotions, to think of them as impure. That was who he was, and Jim wasn't going to change that, he didn't want to. But still… Spock was empty now, just thoughts and logic and this huge wall he couldn't trespass. And he wanted so much to see behind it, to lose himself in there.  
><em>Thank you for your understanding, Jim.<br>_He tried to smile, but couldn't. This emptiness was filling him, leaving him cold.  
>They were one, but not a whole. Spock seemed so far from him now.<br>"Are you willing to break the meld now?" Spock asked in a low voice.  
>No. Yes. Jim didn't know. He wanted to stay, but now it… hurt. It hurt because Kirk felt so alone, like he was in a small room and the walls around him were closing around him, suffocating him… And he was so exposed, so naked in front of him.<p>

Jim's hand moved without permission and rested on Spock's cheek. The Vulcan looked away, but Jim couldn't tell why by the meld. Of course, he could guess – it was probably because of Jim's… feelings for him.

"I'm sorry, Spock. I just… You seem so far away right now."  
>His friend didn't answer. Jim sensed something inside of him and Spock trying to fight it while keeping his mind away from the subject so Jim wouldn't know what this was about.<br>"Maybe we should… yeah, you know, break it."

But neither of them moved. Spock wasn't looking at him and _Spock, just look at me_. And Spock did. There was something in his eyes… Jim couldn't tell what it was, but it _was_ something, and maybe…

Jim searched for Spock's hand and took it in his own, entwining their fingers. The pleasure reverberated inside of them, Spock was seeing inside of him, seeing everything Jim was, and they were kissing – oh my God, he felt him kissing Spock and Spock kissing him and something… something golden inside…

It was gone. Spock broke the kiss.

He was panting, blushing green and damn, it was hot.

"Jim, I cannot. We cannot."

There was something hidden in Spock's voice, some rebellious and soon repressed thought he had that said he didn't really want Jim to stop.  
>"Why not?"<p>

He knew why. Vulcans didn't do this, and even if they did, he probably didn't think that it was wise to start a relationship of any kind with James Kirk, of all people.

_That is not true_, Spock said in his mind. _But it is not wise to engage in any kind of physic relationship with me at the time. I made a mistake melding with you_.

"A mistake? Why? It helped you, right?"

_Yes._

"Then what's the problem? I loved the meld and I'd still be great it if you hadn't cut… whatever. I'm comfortable with you, and I… I think we… fit."  
>God, they belonged. They complimented each other. He couldn't say that, not to Spock, not like this. But shit, Spock just heard it on his mind.<br>_Jim._

He looked at Spock hesitantly. His dark eyes were intense.

_I agree. __  
><em>Jim's heart sped up suddenly at those two simple words. He agreed? Really? Could he really think something like that?  
>Spock caressed the back of his hand slowly.<br>Oh God this was happening, _really_ happening. How could it be?

_I have to show you something, Jim. You might not like it._

He nodded, feeling the tension inside Spock.

And the wall inside of Spock broke. Jim closed his eyes, a turmoil of emotions hitting him. It took a while to understand.

There was warmness, _Jim Jim Jim_, something deep, intense. It was the same thing Jim had inside – it was as if their feelings found each other and sort of mixed.

And… something. It was like a strand linking them, and it was bright like gold, strong like steel. It was Spock and it was Jim all at once. What was it?

_It is a bond._

A… wait, a bond? How? Why?

_I was not in control of myself last night, Jim. I should not have melded with you. My… feelings mastered me, my mind found yours, and I did not realize the bond was being created until it was too late._

Oh.

So Spock felt for Jim just like he did for Spock and that's why the bond…

Oh.

Jim couldn't believe this.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Spock looked away.

"I did not know how to tell you." _And it grew even more. I tried to hide it until I found the way to break it, but I could not do it. I… I wanted this bond to last a few more hours. It gave me stability._

It wasn't about stability. Now there was no wall and Jim could see the truth. Spock had wanted to stay this way a little longer because it felt so good.

_He does not disapprove?_, he heard softly on Spock's mind.

"No, I… I guess I'm just surprised that you… I mean, that you feel…" _this_. He let his feelings escape and show him.

_This_, _that we fit._

And just then Spock realized that Jim didn't want to break the bond. Not now, probably not ever. And the gold grew brighter and the steel stronger.

_It has been proved that we complement each other in many ways, Jim. _

_Like last night?_

Spock didn't smile on the outside, but Jim felt it inside.

_Yes. Therefore, it is only logical to agree with you in that statement. _

Jim grinned.

Spock's eyes sparkled like a star on an empty sky. He smiled without smiling. They got closer, closer, and still it wasn't enough.

Jim looked at those huge, dark eyes, wanting Spock to tell him. He needed to hear it, or he wouldn't be able to believe it. Because come on, it was Spock and him they were talking about! The most unbelievable thing in the universe just happened. Who would've guessed, huh?

Spock caressed Jim's hand slowly with his sensitive fingers, watching him through half-closed eyes.

"_Indeed, Jim"_, he told him through the bond and lips at the same time._ "We belong."_

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><p>Thoughts? :D<em><br>_


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